Someday, I'm going to die.  That's Ok though, so will you and everyone else.  I'm having trouble with my wife's idea of preplanning and pre-PAYING for it!  I guess the preplanning is alright.  I get some say in what will become of my dead carcus, but paying for it all in advance?  That defeats the purpose of all millions of dollars of life insurance money she'll get!  But, when dealing with my wife there's always one rule,  SHE WINS!   So,  we're now pre-paying for death,  Son Of A Bi.....                          The one ray of sunshine in this matter is that she's taking care of all paperwork, and meetings with the funeral folks.  Maybe that's another mistake I made, because what started out as a normal amount of money is now turning into grandeur.  I didn't think it would get that expensive.  Heck,  we choose cremation.  I want to offer myself up to the Lord as a big old burnt offering! And we're not being burried.  I agree with Rodney Dangerfield in the movie "Caddyshack",  cemeteries and golf corses are the biggest waste of prime real estate.  And we don't want a big parade or a riderless horse at our funerals.  But that don't mean the money don't rack up!  Have any of you checked into the price of a urn lately?  I think my wife wants a solid gold, diamond studded one.  I saw a movie once where they used a Folgers coffee can.  That's OK with me,  but I'm told by the experts that's unexceptable.  And what to do with all those ashes?  If you didn't know this,  your body produces 6 cups of ashes when put in that pizza oven.  My wife wants different realitives to get some of hers,  and of course,  that costs extra!                I pondered what to do with my body's ashes?  Would anyone I know want to smoke them, alla Keith Richards?  Maybe I could be shot out of a cannon like Hunter Thompson,  but after checking into cannon rental ( and what I wanted to do with it ) the cost got too outrageous.  Perhaps I could have them made into those little paintball things,  complete with different colors for the teams of my enemies to use with pleasure?  I should think about that a little longer.                                                    Now,  for the living wills.  That's the term they use for my wife pulling the plug - on ANYTHING!  If I go into unconsciousness over somthing like a sprained ankle,  I'm TOAST!  "He wouldn't want to live this way" she'd say.  Now, I really don't mind paying for all this crap,  because I probably will go first,  and I wouldn't want to burden my wife.  But, I'm going to be really TO'D if she gose before me.  Or if we go at the same time.  Come on, all this stuffs paid for, and I won't even know if I'm getting my monies worth.  I'll be DEAD!